In an unexpected occurrence, a group of anti-reservations protestors disbanded at the stroke of 10 pm as they had to watch the latest episode of ‘Desperate Housewives’, without which they would no longer be ‘cool’. As 21 year old Jerry (short for Jayaram) remarked, ‘That shit rocks. Anyways, I am not sure what the reservation issue is all about except that I am against it.’ When this correspondent informed Jerry that there is no word in the English language called ‘anyways’, Jerry mildly expressed surprise.
Meanwhile, DVDs of Rang De Basanti are selling like never before, as countless Indian hip hop youngsters are practicing wearing faded jeans and protesting and/ or appearing adequately starved in a hunger protest. Students across the nation have come together under various protest organizations with names like ‘Death of Merit’, ‘Anti-reservation Forum’, and ‘Oops, I am a SC!’.
When asked about what must be done to empower SC/ST/OBC “types”, 24 year old student leader Bob (short for Balwinder Singh) said, “Man, I don’t know man. Maybe, we can put them all in a spaceship and send them to a far off planet where they can have 100% reservation man. Man, Britney Spear is sure hot man. Yo! Anyways, they can all stay in their villages man. Arjun Singh is so uncool.” At this point our correspondent no longer wished to point out that ‘anyways’ is not a word. Five minutes later, Bob was seen asking a policeman to drag him on the ground and hit him with a lathi, thereby “being the change” as Aamir Khan had espoused in Rang De Basanti.
At Mumbai, Nirav Satyagrahi (real name) is launching an Anti-reservation yatra, in which over 1000 people would board a Virar fast and get off at Borivali for a hunger picnic at the Sanjay Gandhi National Park. “This is a symbolic act to show that when animals don’t have reservations, why should humans have them.” remarked Nirav. When this correspondent pointed out that this argument was so shallow that it made Amisha Patel appear like a Noble laureate, Nirav stormed off to the nearest Barista. “Goddamn these well read journo types.” muttered Nirav under his breath.
At Bangalore, thousands of college students skipped classes and went to watch “Ice Age 2”, as a mark of solidarity against reservations. At the movie, the boys and the girls sat separate from each other in keeping with the university guidelines. This protest passed off peacefully, except for a stray incident involving a male student dressed as a female, which one spokesperson for the group termed ‘as a symbolic act, with the deeper message that men, women, SCs and OBCs are all the same’.
Meanwhile, Chetan Bhagat (that literary genius who wrote One night at the call center, a Tinkle style attempt at fiction) has begun work on his new novel – ’50 point someone. The story of an SC who got lucky, studied hard, and got kissed.’ Needless to say, there are some serious ‘literary’ licenses in the title itself. ‘I do not claim to understand India’s socio-economic realities, but I can spot a business opportunity when I see one.’ said Chetan about his new book.
Note: I am for reservations, but not of the kind that targets the votebank. I am more for the kind that brings about a gradual social change, giving everyone an equal opportunity to be a part of the mainstream, instead of some people having to sit on the sidelines and watch as the rest of India surges ahead.